The Puzzle of My Brain

It’s not always easy to separate, for me, what is a symptom of my PTSD and what is a symptom of my TBI. But I’ve realized I don’t have to–they’re all just neurological issues that can be fixed in different ways. And both are provisional diagnoses, that may be revised at any time.

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I have a few hypothesis about why cannabis helps me so much…but the important thing is that it does.

Don’t know why I need so much clonazepam…but, at least I’m taking it under a doctor’s care and I feel better than I ever have in my entire life.

I will never cut my doctor or therapist out of the loop; I will always be completely honest. Because I finally trust both of them. Neither will betray me the way others have in the past.

I may not be able to drive for a couple weeks just to be on the safe side, and I may need to see an optometrist at some point because whatever is wrong with my eyes…it’s made me completely give up on the idea of playing video games on anything other than a really, really big freaking screen! Which sucks, because I love video games. But hey, at least I can afford to see an optometrist! He’s not going to accuse me of lying either.

I need a big screen for movies, too…pretty much everything. And subtitles. But it’s not like my husband is going to suddenly say, “What, you’re freaking DISABLED? Get out of the house, I never want to see you again.”

Because my husband has earned my trust.

I know my story is pretty depressing at times…but the message to take away is that most people with traumatic brain injuries and terrible childhoods don’t survive, and I did. So if your life sucks in any way…you can survive too. If you’re reading this, you’re spending another day of your precious life above ground instead of under it! And some people who have never known suffering have no idea what an achievement that is.

So, whatever you’re feeling, it’s okay. You can keep strong.

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